Drama Triangle
Drama is often an inevitable consequence of unresolved trauma,
especially if we grew up on the drama triangle (had parents who were always on it).
We may have even lived our entire lives on the drama triangle.
There are 3 Roles on the Drama Triangle - Persecutor, Victim, and Rescuer.
Each role starts off with an element of victimhood by blaming someone or something.
Victim blames and then collapses into a puddle of powerlessness.
Persecutor blames and then attacks.
Rescuer blames and then tries to fix.
Lynne Forrest calls these roles the 3 Faces of Victim because each one contains an element of vicimhood.
She also says that no matter which role we start off in, we always end up in Victim.
Stephen Karpman, the creator of the Drama Triangle, said that if you are in any role on the drama triangle, you are actually in all 3 roles.
(That is next level stuff. Often, I can see how I am playing all 3 roles in a situation, but sometimes I can only see 1 or 2 roles.)
Persecutors usually identify only as victims, while Rescuers tend to have a hard time ever seeing themselves as a victim.
It took me a while to see the Victim Thinking that preceded my Rescuing attempts, but eventually I became aware of
that split second where I felt like I had no choice but to step up to help or to fix something.
A need for safety is usually at the bottom of any role on the drama triangle. One or more of the other basic needs could also be in play.
It took me a while to see that underneath my kind, gracious, self-sacrificing Rescuing behavior there was always a selfish motive,
usually based on a need for safety or security of some kind. Part of it was also that I thought I needed to be useful in order to have any value.
Each role on the drama triangle is a defective strategy for trying to get our needs met
by using power, control, guilt, or shame to try to force others to meet our needs.
Therefore, each role on the drama triangle is violent, even the Victim.
There is a difference between being a real victim or rescuer and playing the Victim or Rescuer Role on the drama triangle.
As children, we often were real victims.
Trying to force others to meet our needs is a sign of emotional immaturity.
Neutralizing anchors helps us grow up and achieve more emotional maturity by dismantling old subconscious programs and stuck parts of our psyches.
On the drama triangle, we have positive intentions but get negative results.
There are no limits on the drama triangle. Each role is done without limits, which is unsustainable.
For example, we keep Rescuing someone over and over and over.
More than one person cannot occupy the same role on the drama triangle for very long.
One will push the others out into other roles.
When one person switches roles, it can cause other people to switch roles, too.
We can go all around the triangle, occupying each of the 3 Roles, sometimes in a matter of minutes or seconds.
And sometimes all by ourselves!
Below are some highlight characteristics for each role on the drama triangle.
Victim
- Blames and then collapses (into a puddle of powerlessness)
- Feels incapable (like a child)
- Tries to Guilt others into rescuing them
- Can act Entitled and Demanding
- Refuses to fill the love tank of others first. Wants the other person to fill their love tank first.
- Invisible, Distant and Enmeshed Boundary Styles
- Hiding (Underearner behavior)
Persecutor
- Blames and then attacks
- Tries to Shame others into falling into line
- Can be Entitled and Demanding
- Confrontational
- Tries to Make People Do Something (including understand)
- Rigid and Intrusive Boundary Styles
- Biting (Underearner behavior)
Rescuer
- Blames and then fixes
- Pathologically Helpful
Helping in ways others do not want to be helped
Not listening for the true feelings and needs of other people - Denies own feelings and needs
Puts own needs on the back burner
May not even be aware of having needs - Lack of Self-Care
- Expresses love in their own love language instead of in the primary love language of the other person
- Intrusive, Enmeshed and Hyper-Receptive Boundary Styles
- Tries to Educate Others (who do not care)
Which of these roles do you most strongly identify with?
When was the first time you ever played that role?
What need/s are you trying to meet by playing that role?
What harm/damage is caused by playing that role?
How will your life play out if you continue relying on this role to get your needs met?
What might the final outcome look like in the end?
Do you know anyone else who plays this role and who is further along the path with it than you?
(Perhaps someone older?)
If so, what does their life look like?
I view each of these roles on the Drama Triangle as an inevitable consequence of unresolved trauma.
Are you powerless to stop playing this role on the drama triangle?
Is it making your life unmanageable?
(NOTE: There is a 12-Step Fellowship that addresses all 3 roles on the drama triangle:
violenceanonymous.org.)