MESSENGERS
Feelings are messengers. They let us know what we need.
Our emotions hold the keys to understanding what our true needs are.
Getting in touch with our feelings,
helps us get in touch with our needs.
Trauma disconnects us from ourselves,
which can make it difficult to identify our feelings and needs, especially in a triggered state.
In the beginning, I needed to look at a list of feelings in order to identify my emotions when I was triggered.
I used the list of Feelings We Are Likely To Feel When Our Needs Are Not Met
in Marshall Rosenberg's book Non-Violent Communication: A Way for Life.
After a while, I became able to identify my feelings on my own.
Here is a short list of some common emotions we are likely to feel
when our needs are not being met:
Angry
Annoyed
Irritated
Grumpy
Grouchy
Bothered
Incensed
Rage/Enraged/Outraged
Resentful
Grief
Sad/Sadness
Hurt
Forlorn
Blue
Down
Depressed
Despair/Despairing
Fear
Anxiety
Worry/Worried
Nervous
Terror/Terrified
Dread
Envy/Envious
Jealous
Guilty
Ashamed
Embarrassed
Shocked
Horrified
Bewildered
Confused
Ambivalent
LAYERS
Emotions generally come in layers.
The emotion we are aware of is often just a surface emotion.
There are likely several other emotions beneath it.
Anger is a strong emotion that is often a mask,
hiding other emotions from our awareness.
(e.g. grief, sadness, hurt, fear, guilt, shame, embarassment)
For an example of this, call to mind something that you currently feel angry about.
What emotion is underneath your Anger?
And under that?
And under that?
And under that?
Keep going until you get underneath all the layers of emotion to the core,
which is a true, valid need.
FEEL THE FEELING
Emotions come in 90 second waves.
If we allow ourselves to feel our feelings (for 90 seconds),
we can connect with the needs that are behind them.
Once the underlying need is identified,
the emotion tends to vanish immediately because it has done its job.
Sometimes what I think I need is just a surface need (like my surface emotions),
masking a deeper need. Feeling my feelings allows me to uncover my true needs.
I often find that my true need is something much simpler than I originally thought it was,
and I can usually easily take care of it myself.
By uncovering my true needs and acting on them,
instead of acting on my feelings,
I make better choices in life.
Disclaimers
The content on this website is for informational purposes only.
This website does not contain medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
The information on this website is not meant be used as a substitute for professional guidance from a doctor or other qualified healthcare provider.
References do not imply endorsement of any of the referenced person or entity's other material, ideas, beliefs, actions, or behaviors.
