BIG 3
There are three key emotions I pay attention to.
Michael Brown talks about them in his book The Presence Process.
I call them the Big 3.
They are Anger, Grief, and Fear.
I learn a lot by paying attention to these three emotions.
Anger is hugely important.
It is a sign that something is wrong.
It tells us "Something is not right here."
Anger is self-validating.
It says "I've been mistreated. I was worth more than that."
Often the first thing that people who were traumatized need to feel is anger.
Many are cut off from their anger.
Anger may be subverted under grief, guilt, or other emotions.
Many people are afraid to express anger, feeling that it is too dangerous
because someone in the childhood home could not regulate their emotions
and got violent when they were angry.
On the other hand, anger may be a mask, hiding grief, fear or other emotions.
Grief (Sadness) says "It wasn't my fault. I can't control others' decisions."
Sadness is a way of delivering us to the other side.
It can be a sign that we are ready to move through something.
"I can start bringing this to an end. There are new beginnings."
Grief is like a boat that carries us across a river to the other side.
I have heard it said that anxiety is a sign that we have stuck grief.
Fear usually boils down to one of two things:
fear of not getting something we want
or fear of losing something we have.