Resentment

Back To Inventory Intro Page


Resentment Deep Clean

Resentment is long-standing anger. By taking a deep dive into my resentments, I am cleaning up chronic (long-standing) triggered reactions.

These are usually low-level triggers that don't seem to be as disruptive to my daily life like the intense acute triggers that randomly come up are, but I have found that they actually do directly interfere with my life in many subtle yet life-altering ways.

Examining my resentments reveals life-long patterns that have been operating just below the surface, having a profound effect on my life.

I like to start by focusing on resentments towards family of origin since all of my other resentments tend to stem from those.
This clears out a lot of old baggage.









Column 1    Column 2    Column 3    Column 4    Column 5    Column 6

Who & Why    Layers     P&P       Old Story     Notes      New Story










First I go down the page and list all of my Resentments in Column 1.


Whom do I resent?

I list all of my family members, whom I feel a resentment towards, especially my caregivers.

I might also include a few other significant people, who had an impact on my family members or on the first 7 years of my life.

Mother & Father's Lineage
(this gets at ancestral trauma & intergenerational trauma)

  • biological mother

  • maternal grandmother

  • maternal grandfather

  • maternal great grandmother

  • maternal great grandfather

  • biological father

  • paternal grandmother

  • paternal grandfather

  • paternal great grandmother

  • paternal great grandfather


Other Parental Figures

  • step-mother

  • godmother

  • other mother figure

  • step-father

  • godfather

  • other father figure


Other Caregivers

  • nanny

  • babysitter


Other Authority Figures

  • teacher

  • police

  • judge


Other Family

  • sibling

  • cousin

  • aunt

  • uncle


Other Significant People

  • friend of the family

  • neighbor

  • best friend

  • bully




Why do I resent them?

Under the name (or descriptor) of each person, I write down all the reasons why I resent them.

What did they do or not do?

I use bullet points if there are multiple reasons.









Then, I go across the page for each resentment, and fill out Columns 2-6.










Column 2 = Layers of Feelings (underneath the resentment)

I list all of the other emotions that I feel underneath the resentment.

What is the core need beneath all the layers of emotions?









Column 3 = Prayer & Pause (P&P)

I read the resentment prayer or secular script below, inserting the person's name in the blank, and then Pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration or intuitive thought.

Non-Christians can substitute whatever word they want for the word "God".

There is a secular version below the prayer.


RESENTMENT PRAYER

"I realize that _______________, who wronged me, is perhaps a disconnected person. (or group of people)

Though I do not like her (or his or their) symptoms and the way those symptoms disturb me, she (or he or they) - like me - is (are) emotionally and socially challenged due to unresolved trauma.

God, please help me show them the same tolerance, compassion and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is an emotionally sick person. (or group of people)

God, please save me from being angry, and help me avoid retaliation and argument.

I wouldn't treat a sick person that way.
If I did, it would destroy any chance I had of being helpful.

How can I be helpful to this person? (or group of people)

Though I cannot be helpful to all people, God, please show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."


After reading the prayer, I pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration/intuitive thought.

I write down what came up during the pause in Column 3.


SECULAR VERSION

"I realize that _______________, who wronged me, is perhaps a disconnected person. (or group of people)

Though I do not like his (or her or their) symptoms and the way those symptoms disturb me, he (or she or they) - like me - is (are) emotionally and socially challenged due to unresolved trauma.

May I show them the same tolerance, compassion and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is an emotionally sick person. (or group of people)

I choose to let go of my anger and avoid retaliation and argument.

I wouldn't treat a sick person that way.
If I did, it would destroy any chance I had of being helpful.

How can I be helpful to this person? (or group of people)

Though I cannot be helpful to all people, I can learn how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."


After reading the script, I pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration/intuitive thought.

I write down what came up during the pause in Column 3.









Column 4 = Old Story

I write down what the story is that I am telling myself about each resentment.

What belief(s) do I have about what happened, about myself, others or life?









Column 5 = Neutralizing Notes

I plug the resentment into a neutralizing technique.
(I find the TAT™ especially helpful for this. See Neutralizing Approaches & Techniques.)

After neutralizing the anchor, I write down what technique I used, what the anchor was (if it was different from the experience I had the resentment about), and any insights I got.









Column 6 = New Story

After re-evaluating the past, I write down my New Understanding of what happened.

What New Story or New Belief seems possible now?

I Write the new story or belief in Column 5.









Doing my first Resentment Deep Clean took my healing process to a whole new level.

Afterwards, I was able to understand and utilize concepts that I was not able to fully grasp before. (e.g. boundaries, non-violent communication, healthy methods for meeting my needs, and various healing modalities)


I find that doing a resentment deep clean on family of origin clears up a lot of the chaos in a person's life.

Subsequent resentment deep cleans are usually focused on a specific area of life, such as friendships, sex or romantic relationships, money, food, or an area of sytemic violence (sexism, racism, classism, religious oppression, etc).
I look at all of my resentments towards individuals, groups of people and institutions related to that area of life.

These subsequent deep cleans tend to take an important area of my life to a higher level.















imovebeyondtrauma@gmail.com


Disclaimers

The content on this website is for informational purposes only.

This website does not contain medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

The information on this website is not meant be used as a substitute for professional guidance from a doctor or other qualified healthcare provider.

References do not imply endorsement of any of the referenced person or entity's other material, ideas, beliefs, actions, or behaviors.